I apologize for the late post. Been away for a while. Do enjoy.
I yanked off my night shirt to be sure the blood was mine. When I turned on the lights, I realized it wasn’t really red, just slightly pinkish, smearing the bedspreads mum and dad bought on their last holiday from Dubai. All the same, it was blood and it indeed was mine, in fact I was starting to feel moist in my inner thigh and then I quickly shut my legs together for fear of the baby dropping.
“My baby, uhhhhh my baby, it’s my baby…” I began crying and screaming, holding my tummy so I didn’t lose what was left in there. And then completely bare, kneeling upright on the bed, save for my cotton panties, Etim’s eyes fell from the swell of my tummy to my pants and when his eyes connected with the stain that had grown to the front of my pant, he just winced and looked away.
There was blood on my nightwear too. Wasn’t so much but I couldn’t bear the sight. I didn’t want to believe the worst of what I was thinking, so I closed my eyes so tightly and screamed, “Lord why, why now, why me?” Etim touched me.
“Would you get your hands off of me?” He nodded awarding me some time to be boss. I climbed off the bed and ran into the closet. He followed in a mad rush and turned the lights on.
I didn’t know what made me cry the more, the fact that I had lost the child I had carried and sang lullabies for in my imagination or that my MIL would make my life a misery or even the irritating way Etim was running on my heels.
“Turn off the lights, turn it off.” I screamed, sinking on the floor. He immediately did and joined me. With my hands wrapped round my belly and my head hidden between my knees, I cried. When I lifted my face, my husband had both his hands on his head, I crawled to him and held on so tight, he hugged me fiercely and I knew how comforting it was sharing your sorrow with someone.
He sniffed, I cried.
He sniffed again, I stopped crying.
My head snapped up. My husband was crying. He was sobbing quietly, all I did was hold still and give him his own moments, and then he snatched me by the shoulders.
“What was I thinking!” he ran for the phone, and called emergency. He got he and I dressed and in five minutes. He offered to lift me but I slapped his hands away. I didn’t want to get up; I coiled up on the floor, scared to hear what the paramedics will say. He left and a few minutes later, a few minutes of some prayers, oaths and promises to God for a miracle on this child, I heard the siren. The ambulance was here.
I got admitted and all the necessary tests were done. I got so vexed when my blood had to be drawn. Are you kidding me? After all that bleeding? Keller was on leave and he had handed me over to an unfriendly, unsmiling doctor, Stanford. Who bears that? He came in to see me. He rolled the sonogram machine closer to his side. After cleaning off the gel from my lower abdomen; he washed his hands and sat next to me holding my palms in his as he looked at Etim and I.
“It wasn’t a miscarriage,” There…” He caressed the screen “is the heartbeat.”
How can you do this to me God when I’m not even among the best of people? I don’t even remember to pray some times and only attend church, because everyone did. God!
At this point, I let out all that was left in my eyes, as Etim wiped my tears.
I rested my head on my husbands’ chest still sobbing and thanking God.
“Why the blood then doctor, if it wasn’t a miscarriage?” Etim was in shock. He couldn’t believe we were that lucky.
He asked if I was ever on any birth control pills, when I first realized I was pregnant and when I stopped using it. I looked at Etim and slowly nodded as he then explained that it was a little heavier than what he called implantation bleeding, but all tests came out fine, there was no cause for alarm.
.
Few hours later I was discharged and Etim drove me home. “Birth control pills, Jolaade? Seriously? How come I didn’t know about this? Why were you even on pills?
“Sweetie, I just want to get home and lie down, I don’t need this now.”
“I’m, sure you don’t. You leave me with the nagging question of why my wife is on pills and I get to find out from someone else.” His face was stony throughout the drive. When we got home, he eased himself out of the car and walked in. he didn’t even open the door for me! I followed closely into the living room. He didn’t stop pacing the room until I was dizzy. I left him when he didn’t say anything. He turned on the TV. Minutes after I got off the phone with my boss explaining why I’d be away from work for a few days, I went to check on him, he had slept off. I went to ruffle up something to eat before he woke up. When I was all set, I knelt by his side and tapped him; he blinked and turned his face away from me. Trouble.
And then he turned back to me, frowning. “Are you okay? Why are you on your knees?” His voice couldn’t have been cooler.
“I selfishly wanted you to myself for a year before any kids.” I kept apologizing and finally he stood up, helped me up to the couch and accepted my apology. He declined dinner, but offered to have the fish that came with it.
It was a restless night. I was scared to sleep off. The bathroom routines started again!
“What is it you want to tell me? Ehn? Everything I ask you, you direct me to Etim for the answer. “Kini gan? Kini gbogbo rubbish yen wa fun?” What’s with all the rubbish? My mother-in-law again!
“But ma, I…”
“Jo, jo mo be e tori olorun, (Please I’m begging you with God) let me listen. Jamba e ti poju. (You’re full of it). What you’ve made up your mind to do is what you must do.”
It’s called policy Ma. I wanted to point out, but I’m certain, she’ll scream blue murder. I took a look at her; she had simmered to a reasonable state, but when she turned around, her eyes still shone like embers.
“Give her to me.”
“Mummy, let me bath her. I can handle it.”
“So I can’t, abi“.
I wasn’t going to argue with her anymore, neither was I going to give her my baby. It was only yesterday she had almost tripped while running around to prepare the bundle’s bath. She had an arthritic leg that seized mobility every now and then. It was only natural for me to be wary. Then she made to snatch the bundle from me and I carefully wrapped it so she doesn’t fall over while barricading MIL from me. She got ferocious and made a growl before attacking fully. I screamed…
“Jola…”
My eyeballs did a run around the room before orienting myself with my environment.
“What happened?” There was fear drawn over Etim’s face.
I sighed. “It’s a girl.” That was all I could manage to say.” He hugged me.
Still shaken by the freshness of the dream, everything just began to scare me. First, Etim broke a plate and I screamed. He even tried to make a joke out of it that his mum usually threatens Imabong, their maid, of giving her tribal marks with the broken pieces if she doesn’t stop smashing the plates in the house. What came on my face was a travesty of the smile that I should have worn.
And as if I hadn’t heard enough of his mum while I was eating the breakfast he prepared, he came over to me with the phone, whispering something I later discovered was `Mummy wants to speak with you.’ I blanched.
It was hard not to imagine the scornful look she wore as she said.
“E’nle o.” Well done o. I sat upright, putting the tray aside immediately, surprisingly thinking of the dream I just had and confirming the bulge in my midriff. A shot of pain sliced through the one side of my head and as I made to rub my temples, hubby walked forward, adjusting the throw pillows for comfort. His other hand stroked my belly before he kissed me and whispered. “I love you baby.”
“I love you too.” I muttered,
“Oh not you, I meant my baby…”
I couldn’t suppress the chuckle that seized me. I thought I heard something like shior on the other side of the line.
“E rora ma. Thank you so much.” I was lost for words. What was I supposed to say?
“Duro naa, ki lo `n sope o se e naa?” What did I hear is wrong with you?
I shook my head, blinking for some seconds in amazement. Did she just ask that? Hubby started sensing my significant silence and wanted to take the phone but I sent him a nasty stare that helped him withdraw. It would make more sense to start standing up to some of these things now.
“The doctor says all I’ll ever hear from him will be good news.” I rubbed my belly just to assure myself a life was still there, while talking to this woman. Hubby’s hands were still outstretched to take the phone when he heard me say, “Aa ma bayin soro later.” We’ll speak to later. WHAT RUBBISH!!!
There was fresh anger all over my face, a wave of fury sizzled through my veins as my eyes begged hubby’s for an explanation. He looked away. I smiled. Nice one.
Silence.
Etim got ready for work and left me at home. I got on the phone to Semirah and within an hour she was with me. Semirah had been jobless for a while, so it was always easy for her to be there for me whenever I needed her. I narrated all that had happened and all she could say was sorry! That I was lucky it wasn’t worse than that.
She kept lamenting on how much weight I’d added. She laughed at me and said she could make me loose 3lbs in 10mins. I squirmed not ready for her trouble.
“Yes, I can….” She rolled those beautiful eyes of hers.
“How?” I asked her, she burst into laughter.
“You’re carrying 2lbs of faeces in you and 1lb of pee”
I couldn’t contain myself as I burst into laughter with her. You know you’re crazy right? Na you dey carry 3lbs of rubbish inside you.
“Truth hurts.” She wiped the tears that were dropping from her eyes.
“Semirah seriously, I know I’ve put on some weight.” She ignored me and focused on the maternity magazine she was reading. I sluggishly got up, went into the bathroom, weighed myself and tried to use the toilet, I forced myself, but lo and behold she was right, yes she was. Not 3lbs right, but 1.02lbs right, meaning I had to work on getting the remnant out.
“I see you went to try it out abi? Hmn…. Desperation is madness…, Oh, by the way did Etim tell you DS moved back home already?”
“DS? I haven’t seen or spoken to him in a while. Last I saw him was during Thanksgiving but Etim didn’t tell me anything. Are you sure? How did you know?”
“What are you now? A lawyer? Na wa for all these questions at the same time o. Trev told me.” She said off-handedly.
“Trev told me.” I imitated her, brushing my hands the same way she had done hers. “Trev or Trevor? Oh my gawwwwwdddd!!! When did you start calling him `Trev’? When did you see him last?
“What’s the suspicion about now? I can start calling you Joolz like Etim does too. I can call anyone anything I want. Does that mean anything? Even from her eyes I knew she was uncomfortable.
“Semi…!” I wondered who I’ll be without Semirah!
So DS is gone? I found myself thinking. Well… good, for my sanity. I sat on the cane chair of the balcony which overlooked the sea. Activity was going on in the house before ours. I remember wondering― that was at the time I thought it was DS’s house― on why he had gone for a house beside a private guest house. But now being ours, I didn’t really see any serious issue. Well except the strangers that looked out of the balconies of each room.
I was confused as to how things were going. It didn’t look like marriage would be fun if I keep living with this kind of fear and suspicion. The weird phone calls had stopped but when I sit to relax, the first thing that comes to mind is making a list of how many people didn’t wish me well.
Etim had just returned from work and instead of me to sit and have his eba and efo riro with him, even if I didn’t eat, just sit there like I normally did, run my fingers through his head, watch him swallow every morsel, steal glances at me in between his drink sips, and the part I loved most… rub my belly and listen to him remind me of how he looks forward to being a father and how it will feel. I just served him, lied that I was feeling nauseous and just sat outside here sipping, so disinterestedly, a glass of water. I don’t want to continue like this. Neither Etim nor I deserve this unrealistic quietness. All we need do is talk. I jolted and looked up when from one of the balconies of the guest house, I heard a glass shatter. There was some movement so my eyes still went up when I noticed this silhouette standing, staring. I flung my legs back down from the seat and rushed in. I stopped and decided to do a healthy pace before senselessly rushing in. I had to be careful. I had to take my mind off worries. The doctor had warned. But how possible could that be with Baba Buray sprouting from everywhere I turned to? It was him. The cold stare, like his presence around me was intentional and then that slow stride of him walk back in, like all he wanted was just for me to see him.
Mo gbe!
AmOy
Photo by Alhaji’s Cuisine…(foodandlens.com)
Pearls & Oysters 